Dating Language Guide for Men

Guys, when women say something, it usually means something completely different than what you think it does. Trust in the J, the J is good. Use this short list as a guide and you'll be making HUGE points with your lady friend. Of course, this is just a guideline because (as you should know by now) there are not hard and fast rules when it comes to communicating with the opposite sex!

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need... = I want...
I am sorry. = You WILL be sorry.
We need to talk. = I need to complain.
Sure, go ahead... = I don't want you to.
Do what you want. = You will pay for this later.
I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = (Too late. You're dead.)
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Be romantic and turn out the lights. = I don't feel pretty.
You're so manly! = You need a shave, sweat a lot or are smelly. (Do the 3 S's.)
Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now, even to you.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and relax; it's going to be a while.
How much do you love me? = I did something today that I don't think you're going to like.